There they were–happy and enjoying their new found love. You can’t stop looking at their photo and read the comments of well-wishers. When you scroll down further, your heart shattered when some well-wishers were actually your friends who also said the same things when your relationship with your ex was still in full bloom. Stalking was never your thing, not until this time when you stare at their photos for hours until stalking already became a habit and for some strange reason, relish the act until, it hurts.
But you know there is nothing left to do. Your ex is moving on while you’re not! You are stuck in that spiraling habit of stalking, feeling bad and doing it again the next day. Here’s what you need to know: You are the author of your pain. It is your decision to stay in your state of desperation. However, you can turn still turn it around, make positive changes and finally, enjoy your being single.
Keep away your phone in the morning.
You know he is not coming back so you might as well move on with your life. To do this, stop doing things that remind you of him. It may also help to avoid places or things that would again, trigger an old memory. For example, unconsciously, you associate your phone with his old messages, your once loved-up photos on Instagram or possible calls from him. And thus, starting your day by scrolling your Instagram feeds may not be a good idea as it will make you remember him and what’s going on in his page as well.
So next time, put away your phone. If you use it as an alarm clock, try to use an analogue alarm clock instead or a different, old phone without the Internet. Establish a new morning routine, for example, by starting it with a prayer or meditation, a quick yoga or run. Use your smart watch, instead of your phone to track your progress. Or, you may want to use your phone just to listen to your favorite tracks.
Re-connect with friends and family.
Most often, our brain tends to overreact and proceed with its sadomasochistic tendencies of reinforcing, retaining memories that don’t have a place in our lives anymore. And you will just be surprised that feelings of loneliness and sadness would go if we hang out more with friends and family. While in a relationship, we might be spending a lot of time with our partner in that we think, we don’t need our friends and family anymore as we consider our partners as our new family. This is so wrong. In reality, our friends and family know us better as they have been in our lives longer than our partners. Their love and affection for us, is sadly, neglected as we focus more on our partner.
Now that you are free, spend more time with them. You will realize how much you have missed them and how much happiness they can give you if you give them the chance to love you, too.
Make new goals.
Setting new goals is like embracing a new life as you try to accommodate new things and habits in achieving that goal, and by doing so, you change your routine and change the source of your happiness. Goals also give us something to look forward too, an effective way in channeling our energy into something productive. We heard of men going to the gym to recover from a recent heartache. In the end, they get great abs, a product of their hard work and dedication and hopefully, a healed heartache as well. Some people channel their energy in the arts and spend hours absorbed in finishing a story or painting. Or you might want to develop a financial goal of saving a certain amount of money in a period of time. The possibilities are endless, you just have to write those down, plan steps on how to achieve them and execute them every single day.
Some people turn to drinking, intense partying and sometimes to recreational drugs or other self-harming methods after a bad breakup. This is normal. But you can’t keep doing it infinitely. I may sound like your mom saying this but yes, these things are bad for your health. And, it’s bad for your finances and your reputation as a person, too. Yes, you still have your reputation even after your ex left you. Always remember that. And that is something you have to rebuild.
Try to surround yourself with healthy habits. Sleeping early, a daily dose of exercise and eating healthy food—these sound so classic but are still effective in healing a broken heart up to this day. When you feel healthy, you feel good about yourself and thus, minimizing feelings of depression that you may feel while coping from a bad breakup. Meditate. Laugh very often. Sing. Dance. Feel the leaves outside. Smell the flowers. Be open with the pleasant experiences that Nature is trying to offer to you to ease your sadness.
Life is unfair. We know that. You might be upset that your ex has moved on and has fared well in his new relationship, but once you stop comparing your life with the life he is currently enjoying, it is only then that you will feel how blessed and abundant. Once you shifted your attention and allow yourself to be more open, it is only then that you will truly feel your worth as a person, an individual who struggles, lives on and wins at life in a unique way.